And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
