Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
