I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
