I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
