I think I won the penis lottery.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
