At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
