I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
