Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
