toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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