Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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