How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
