you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
