You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
