ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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