I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
