there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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