No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
