Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
