He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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