My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
