Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
