If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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