so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
People in love make me want to vomit
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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