My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
