THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
