Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
