I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
