ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
