so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
