K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
