I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
