Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
