it hurts more in the daytime
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
