So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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