I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
