can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
