so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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