I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
