We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All the doctor said was why
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
