Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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