Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
