got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
