Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
