You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
