I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
