I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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