woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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