once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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