i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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