What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
